Gove unveils new GCSEs with emphasis on cold baths and six of the best from a well-oiled cane

Cold showers and regular beatings did me no harm.

Pride's Purge

(satire?)

Michael Gove has unveiled major reforms to the way GCSE examinations are conducted in England, saying that applications of six of the best to the nether regions from a well-oiled cane and character-building cold baths will be a central part of the new GCSE syllabus.

The Education Secretary also told MPs in the House of Commons that the new exam-only qualifications would have more emphasis on regular beatings on the bare buttocks with a finely stitched leather strap in order to equip the nation’s fallen Godless, Devil-spawned youth to perform better in the modern world.

In his report titled In Praise of Stout Educational Virtues and Avoidance of Unwholesome Excesses of Youth, Mr Gove also said that if schools are to avoid an excess of cads, ruffians, suffragettes and fallen women, then the experience of being made to stand in a freezing bath while reciting passages from the Bible while at the same time ensuring…

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Author: gogwit

One foot in Sanity, the other in the adjoining parish, usually in the vicinity of the boundary between the two but sometimes straying into the main square of either and very occasionally taking occupation of the Town Hall...

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