Struggling with my body, struggling with my mind

My long holiday from blogging has been due, in part, to bipolar disorder and the need for medication, in my case Lithium carbonate, which seems to have a demotivating and anhedonic effect on me – as well as the dampening of my manic behaviours both productive and harmful.
Strip the personal details out of the excellent piece which I am reblogging here; read it and boil it down to the discussion of affect and energy and motivation and volition and self image and dosage.
What I found was a text that describes well the situation I find myself in at present. I’m pretty sure that this is a template that many with bipolar disorder would recognise.
The frustration of trying to explain to others:
“I know what I have to do, step by step, for xyz” but whenever I try to address it – brain fog. As to the NHS: It is such a shame that while I can be prescribed fabulously expensive drugs for weight loss by unnatural means, the option to prescribe gym sessions doesn’t seem to exist.

purplepersuasion

In January, I wrote about my feelings about my weight, and my history of unhealthy relationships with food and dieting. I concluded the post by saying that I was going to focus not on weighing myself, or dieting, but on choosing real (i.e. not junk, or empty calorie) foods and picking exercise activities that I genuinely enjoyed. That approach worked really well – for about 4 weeks. Then somehow I lost the ability to think kindly towards myself or sensibly about my food choices. I ended up buying a whole new set of clothes for my holiday in a bigger size, and returned from the trip towards the end of March with a renewed Coca-Cola habit and “f*ck it” attitude towards what I ate and drank. Fast forward eight weeks. Now many of the clothes I bought in March no longer fit either. Even my partner, who is usually…

View original post 953 more words

Advertisements